Intimacy Tips – Do Fantasies and Role Playing Help Or Hinder Intimacy?

Have you ever considered dressing up or playing different roles with your partner while connecting intimately? This idea may sound interesting to you but you just aren’t sure how open your mate would be to it. Or the thought of incorporating fantasy or role playing into your relationship might be uncomfortable to you or even offensive.Do fantasies and role playing help or hinder intimacy?We don’t believe that this question can be answered simply. It all depends on the intentions of the couple taking part in these intimate activities. Yes, they can certainly be spark-starters that enhance passion. And yes, they can also serve to drive a wedge between two people. If you or your partner would like to experiment with fantasies or role playing in your relationship, we suggest that you take a little bit of time to explore what this means for each of you and communicate about it.The ultimate question to ask yourselves is: Will these activities bring us closer together or drive us further apart?Gerry is deeply in love with his wife Juliette. They’ve been married for over 20 years now and remain close in every way. But Gerry would also like to spice up their lovemaking and intimate life together. One evening while they are home alone, as they danced and kissed Gerry suggested to Juliette that they try role playing– just for fun. He created a whole scenario for them that he described to Juliette. In his mind, this role playing game would really amp up the passion between them that night and possibly in the future as well.Unfortunately, Juliette interpreted Gerry’s role play suggestion as a criticism of the way they usually are intimate with one another. She shut down as he described his idea, felt upset inside and ended up “not in the mood” anymore. Gerry felt confused and as if he said something wrong to Juliette. Juliette now feels less confident about her ability to satisfy Gerry in the bedroom.This scenario didn’t have to turn out like this. If you or your mate would like to try fantasy or role play to add more spark to your relationship, consider these tips…1.) Be clear about your intentions.
It doesn’t matter if it’s you or your love who suggests incorporating fantasy or role play into your intimacy, you both need to make clear your intentions– with yourselves and one another. If your desire is to enhance passion, add variety and build on the lovemaking experiences you already share, then affirm that to yourself and share that information with your mate.On the other hand, if you find yourself wanting to role play or fantasize to escape something you don’t like about your current relationship, you probably want to look at what’s going on and determine what you’d like to change. Pretending that you are making love to someone else because you truly don’t want to be in this relationship is a signal for you to do some soul searching. In cases like this, it’s just not fair to either of you to make believe. That’s not fun or connecting.Over breakfast the next morning, Gerry asks Juliette if she’d be willing to listen to his intentions when suggesting the role playing the night before. He apologizes for upsetting her and asks her to just listen. He then explains that he loves her deeply and is happy with their intimate life. Gerry adds that he’d like to take the great passion they have going on and enhance it even more. Spicing things up by experimenting in this way appeals to Gerry. He goes on to say that if Juliette is open to trying this again, he’d like to. If not, he promises not to be angry or resentful.2.) Make your love and appreciation known.
After Gerry is done sharing his intentions with Juliette, she sits silently and really takes in what he said. She is touched by his sensitivity to her feelings and she feels relieved and happy to know that he was not suggesting the role play because anything is wrong or because he is unsatisfied. This helps Juliette to open up and re-consider the whole idea. She starts to see the it could be fun and passionate to play around with one another in this way. Together, they plan to try Gerry’s role play idea again that evening.Be open and clear with your love if you’d like to propose fantasy or role playing. Make it known that you value what you two have together already, and you’d like to explore something new as a couple. From this place of expressed love and appreciation, your partner can more easily let go of worries that you aren’t satisfied with the way things are and, instead, consider adding this variety to your intimacy.Even if your partner is not willing– at this time– to try the ideas you’ve suggested, at least you two have shared honestly with one another. This, by itself, can bring you closer together and can even be a spark-starter.Listen to your partner and try to stay open whether you are the one proposing the role play or fantasy or the one the idea is being suggested to. Whether you decide to explore these different ways to be intimate or not, you can remain close and passion can grow.

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